As a general rule, I don’t let myself dwell in a place of regret. The idea of regretting anything is at odds with my theory that everything unfolds according to a divinely orchestrated master plan. An alternate perspective; that we live in a random and chaotic universe governed entirely by free will is such a daunting possibility that it would render me incapable of making even the simplest decisions, so I choose to believe in some type of order.

With that said, as an imperfect being in a universe governed by laws I don’t fully understand, I’m bound to make mistakes and experience the resulting feelings of shame, guilt, and disappointment that accompany regret. It’s a terrible feeling and one that doesn’t make anyone else feel any better, so I wish I could shake it off, like an old and ill-fitting coat that provides no warmth or comfort. Instead, the only cure for regret seems to be time: that mysterious force that stretches out infinitely into a misremembered past and uncertain future.

I’m an extremely sensitive and empathetic person – as such, any pain I inadvertently cause others, through fear, anger, shortsightedness, rash decisions, pride, selfishness, or any of my many flaws, immediately seems to boomerang back and strike me with a force at least as great as whatever blow I delivered. The lesson to learn seems to be: tread carefully. Choose love always, over baser emotions like anger or fear, and remember we’re nothing without the love of the people we care for most in this world.

Although regret is not one of my favorite teachers, I’m humbled by the lessons she continues to teach me and trust with time I’ll learn to navigate the slippery corridors that lead to her door with more grace, care, and always, love.